Churches Claim To Be BLM Protests So They Can Reopen

Responses by religious leaders to the coronavirus shutdowns are not all the same. Some Christian pastors have defied government orders to cease congregating, while others are waiting it out to protect the elderly and vulnerable in their flock.

Those resisting government authorities have been threatened with fines and been ordered to disband by police. Unsure where to turn for relief, some preachers are aligning with the Black Lives Matter (BLM) movement. 

“Conservative Republicans weren’t ensuring our 1st Amendment rights to assemble in our church and worship God,” commented Josh Daniels, a Texas preacher from Bryan, Texas. “We needed a real alibi … I mean ally.”

Even though many politicians had previously chastised anyone for violating the stay at home orders for any reason at all, fighting racism in the proscribed fashion of protests that lead to violence has not received the same vitriol by liberals. Churches saw an opportunity.

“We said we were a BLM protest and accused the cops of being racists,” stated Daniels. “Someone spray painted ACAB on the cross that rests atop our church and that gave us cover. Nobody has bothered us in the last week or so,” observed the Church of Christ preacher.

Football teams are also trying to claim BLM with better luck in getting the OK to fill their stadiums. The NFL convinced the Houston Texans to rehire Kyle Kaepernick as insurance. “I’m planning on kneeling with Kyle in our first game. And believe me, he can’t be worse than half the backup QBs in the league anyway,” claimed Texans Head Coach and GM Bill O’Brien. “We got BLM stickers and masks for anybody who needs them. We’ll definitely beat the numbers at the protest crowds,” concluded O’Brien enthusiastically.