Elementary School Teachers Put In Charge Of Covid-19 Crisis Response Team By Democrats

Tough choices need to be made during the Covid-19 pandemic, and the big question is who will be put in charge of making those difficult decisions. Democratic politicians across the country have turned to the most trusted group in America who handle the most challenging decisions on a day-by-day, minute-by-minute basis - elementary school teachers.

“Teachers know how to micromanage the behaviors of little children who don’t know how to behave, and that’s the attitude we need right now to keep everyone from harming themselves and others,” declared Illinois Governor J.B. Pritzker. “Elementary teachers got this,” Pritzker assured his constituents. 

“Our people need to be given simplistic messages about either following the rules or dying,” stated New York Governor Mario Cuomo. “What’s worse than death? The disease is death. What’s worse than that?” responded Cuomo to a reporter asking if the attempted “cure” of lockdowns and economic collapse instituted by governors like him might be worse than the disease.

Democratic Mayor of Austin Steve Adler said he would not impose civil or criminal penalties against people refusing to wear a face mask or keep their social distance. Unable to supersede state rules handed down by Texas Republican Governor Greg Abbott, Mayor Adler resorted to shaming the residents of Austin. “The consequence is not a fine or jail time, it’s knowing that you might have killed someone,” scolded Adler. “You don’t have a right to take someone’s life because you can’t be bothered to wear a mask or stay out of the parks.”

“We manipulate the choices children make and exaggerate consequences,” explained Ronnie Adkins, 2nd grade teacher, Illinois Crisis Task Force Member, and Joe Biden supporter. “It’s the only way to control unruly children and adults who are brainwashed by the right wing media,” Adkins stated.

Democratic politicians have also begun putting nuns and priests in second in command, ensuring that any government abuses will continue with impunity.