Americans Were Too Busy To Be Prepared For Pandemic

Your brother says it when he doesn’t accept your invitation to dinner. Your colleagues say it when you invite them to lunch. Even your friends say it when they don’t respond to your texts. “I’m too busy” remains a staple of American excuses.

The burdens of modern American life abound. “All the commitments to careers, family, and your own self-actualization leave little time in the day for anything else,” commented life coach Jenny Steurville. “So when you confront all the political issues you’ve heard on NPR and you’ve seen on Facebook posts by your friends, it’s hard to know how to make a difference because everyone is so busy.”

“We stay politically engaged,” declared special education teacher and local musician Teri Braxton. “We marched in the anti-Trump protest after the election. That felt good to make a stand against his sexism and racism. But usually we don’t have time to protest all the things we hear about on MSNBC because we’re so busy.”

“Many Americans make a difference by staying informed and voting,” explained journalist Nathan Burns. “And sometimes it’s hard to get out to vote with all your family commitments and job expectations. It’s tough. And you gotta have time to enjoy your friends on social media. That’s how we stay informed and connected when we’re so busy.”

American political leaders usually put most of their energy into endless attacks on their partisan opponents, or endless Middle East wars. “Of course there was also impeachment. And RUSSIA!” emphasized Texas Representative Lloyd Doggett. “We’re so busy battling Trump.”

Like Bernie Sanders and AOC and the rest of the fake progressives in elected office, Doggett said he had to vote for the recent corporate bailout bill. “We have to vote for bills with all the bad stuff in there because if we didn’t it would actually be worse," stated the career Congressman. "Working against the bill would accomplish nothing" Doggett concluded, admitting that his party was too weak and feckless to help working Americans.

“The Defense budget has been a vast waste of resources on alleged threats that don’t exist so defense contractors can profit,” complained former Presidential candidate Tulsi Gabbard. “All the while necessary medical equipment was not being stockpiled for a more likely threat to our well-being and national security, like a pandemic.”